Monday, September 22, 2008

man genes...

... forgetting about bottling the boundless energy of youth. I don't want it. What I want is that gene in men that impairs their vision to see and register a messy house.

I am home sick today. My first sick day in years. Did I use this time to rest? Of course not, I am a woman.

Even when I was up at 3am taking a cold shower to bring down my fever, I sprayed the shower with tilex. A few hours later I was up pacing the kitchen packing Tom's lunch and fixing him breakfast. When I got him to school at 8am did I come home and crash in the bed and try to recover? Of course not, I am a woman.

I preceded to organize my closets, drag out winter clothes and donate the ones that don't fit to goodwill, do two homework assignments and a test review, do two loads of laundry, run the dishwasher, scrub the toilet and vacuum.

In fifteen minutes I am out the door to head to class and take the test I crammed for this morning. Then I'll pick up my son from my mom's, come home and cook dinner, get him in the tub and ready for bed and then head to bed myself.

I'm friggin nuts.

I want that man gene...

...that gene that enables men to sit on the couch and watch an entire football game without feeling guilty for being unproductive. When I watch TV I'm folding laundry or painting my toenails, or both at the same time.

... that man gene that enables men to come straight home from work and park themselves on the couch oblivious to the dust bunnies and dishes in the sink.

... that men gene that prevents their heads from exploding at the sight of an unmade bed.

How? How do you do it?!

20 comments:

Alli said...

Well, I don't care if I'm a girl, I have that gene in spades. You can have some of mine. My cleaning urges only come in spurts, I promise.

Jennifer Zandstra said...

I'm with Alli... I often wish I didn't have the gene. :(

Off topic, but I thought about you the other day at the liquor store when I picked this wine up...

http://jennyzandstra.smugmug.com/photos/378223320_n5cFH-M.jpg

http://jennyzandstra.smugmug.com/photos/378223247_cZ7X6-M.jpg

Unfortunately, I didn't notice that it had a screw off cap, so it wasn't very good quality, but I'm totally keeping the bottle...

babs said...

I have been nuturing that gene in myself. I am too darned tired to care about dust bunnies, and dishes in the sink have to wait until I'm good and ready to clean 'em up. I do draw the line at bugs, and other creepy-crawlies: they receive my immediate, obsessive-compulsive attention.

Adrienne said...

Giving credit to hubby - he does make the bed. After that it's a fast downhill slide.

I can have the house spotless and go run errands and come home to find it trashed (we both work at home).

I am incapable of enjoying my illness in a messy house. Period!

Richard Truman Michael said...

My mom is EXACTLY the same lol.
I'm kinda of a neat freak but if I'm ill I'll clean up later.

Kit said...

This is why I married a Marine. They can be trained!

Case in point, I have not changed kitty litter since 1993, about 6 weeks after we got married. The cats had come with me....

;-)

Jackie Parkes said...

I'm the exception I have a 'new' man!

Carolina Cannonball said...

gals, your missing the point. I don't want a man trained to clean... I want to be more like a man and learn to peacefully coexist with the mess in my house. They have this gene that enables them to relax in a messy house... I want that.

Besides, I'd never want a man to clean my house, it would be extra work for me ... as I would have to go behind them a re-clean everything they did.

I told you, I m friggin nuts!

Adrienne said...

We are exactly alike on that one!!

You have an award waiting for you at my place:)

AlephGamma said...

Gene therapy probably won't work, but testosterone shots may help. Here's an interesting radio segment on its effects. It's from NPR so it has that particular spin.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1230

AlephGamma said...

Here's the fixed link - http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1230

http://tinyurl.com/ytbp3z

Mac McLernon said...

I think I must be heterozygous for this gene - in other words, I'm a carrier... I can ignore mess and do nothing, but I feel guilty about it!!

BTW, glad to see you changed your mind about ditching the blog!!

a thorn in the pew said...

I am like that only with work. I always feel like I need to be in here working, even when I am sick. That's what I get, working from home.

Paul Nichols said...

You must understand, Kat, the the desire for cleanliness springs from your own feelings of self-worth.

You feel "worthy" if you can scan the area around you and feel pleased with the neatness and order. If the area around you is a mess, then you, by proxy, are also a mess.

What us men understand is that our sense of self-worth (whether bloated or reasonable), is not affected by that pile of dirty clothes one bit. Not even a smidge.

Aaaah, now to relax....

Tom S. said...

Hey, don't ask me. Apparently it is lacking in my DNA as well.

ignorant redneck said...

It's not that we're oblivious--it's that we are nurturing our "maculine Spirituality" by trying to live like bears.

Roman Sacristan said...

Hoo-rah! to ignorant redneck! LOL

LarryD said...

That's why guys shuffle when they walk - to kick the stuff out of the way that's on the floor rather than step on it.

Jane said...

I can try to ignore the mess, but the pressure builds and eventually something in my brain explodes and I just can't sleep or enter the kitchen or go run errands until that mess is cleaned up. Fortunately, the cycle of pressure-explosion takes about two weeks, so I can usually "ignore" things when I'm ill.

The Catholic Journeyman said...

....cleaning with my wife is in pre-requisite order to feel good about relaxing.

-Dave