Tuesday, August 25, 2009

when did this happen...

... when did I lose complete control of my life? No little girl dreams, "when I grow up I want to be a divorced single mom who suffers a heart attack at 34 and then has to go anxiety medication to cope with her bat shit crazy family."

Because if that were the case then I would be living the dream, baby!

I think I hit a new low today when my doctor said I needed medication to treat my anxiety... as if being physical frail wasn't depressing enough, now I am emotionally frail. Well, it's been medically confirmed now; I am officially bat shit crazy. sigh.

22 comments:

Melissa said...

Nobody's perfect!

Anonymous said...

kambria says: My mom use to say " oh honey its not you.. It's the world! You have ever right to be stirred up thats called grief, can't go around it , under it over it, just have to go through it!

Adrienne said...

Treat it, treat it, treat it! And then treat it some more. I suffered with anxiety for most my life. My motto - if it's treatable - treat it!!

Mine finally went away just a few years ago...

SherryTex said...

You are in my prayers.

You are not emotionally frail because you need medication to treat anxiety. You have courage in abundance for facing it in the first place. You talked about having much to be anxious about --just in the sentences before, because you are willing to pour yourself out.

The Ironic Catholic said...

Hang in there. I'm no expert, but I think its pretty common to check for things like anxiety when a person has a heart attack--at any age. This is going to help you heal and see things well and be a great mom and student. I'll pray for you tonight.

RJW said...

Prayers from me too. And I understand. Divorced a year ago after 3 years of back and forth. Lost my Dad and sister too. Thank you God, my kids, Fr. Erik, my wonderful friends and Prozac and Xanex. Not sure I'd have made it without each and everyone of them.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Can I buy some off of you?

Anonymous said...

Think you might like to read Sirach chapter 38 vs. 1-8, especially vs 8. I enjoy reading your creative blog. I pray you start feeling better.

Lazy Disciple said...

Dear Cannonball,

Be assured of my prayers, as well.

If I could look at myself head on, like you do, then I would be a better person.

Best,

LD

Mike in CT said...

You've got my prayers. God bless.

TheSeeker said...

I've been on anxiety meds for 4 1/2 years now. It made me able to live normally for the first time in my life. There's no shame in fixing a problem.

<3

Dymphna said...

I take anxiety medicine. Trust me, life is SOOOOOOO much better now.

Kathreja said...

You are not bat shit crazy. anxiety is not bat shit crazy... I know bat shit crazy you don't have the symptoms.

Mimi said...

Prayers.

Anonymous said...

Prayers coming your way! My mother was diagnosed & treated for multiple anxiety disorders when I was an adult--anxiety that developed before I was born and significantly impacted my childhood and youth. Believe me, dealing with it is the most responsible thing you can do for The Boy. And don't worry about being batshit crazy unless you have a sudden desire to wear a leotard to Mass and start dancing. THAT'S batshit crazy....

Ron said...

I've read your blog. Your not crazy. Funny, smart, spiritually sensitive, and oh yea, a little broken. Just like the rest of us. When I finally get employed again I will credit the spontaneous remission of my sad economic state to your website. It could become the first virtual holy place of pilgrimage. You've got my prayers.

Kristy said...

From a 56 year-old woman who has been where you are, and now has a gloriously wonderful husband and a plethora of grandchildren (and am still bat shit crazy, although I never thought of it in precisely those terms) - hang in there sweetheart. You are only as frail as God permits. Just like the rest of the Saints.

Agnes B Bullock said...

WAIT!!!! You now have an ACLU certified get out of jail free card. With bat shit crazy family and friends, don't look the gift horse in the mouth!!!

Megi said...

I pray for you, I support you from all my heart-God bless you!!!!

Anonymous said...

Kat: Remember, I told you that this would happen. It's something about having a heart attack and heart surgery. It happens to EVERYONE not just people who have crazy families. Everyone has one of those, too! Don't feel bad....just thank God that we live in an age when medicine can help with these things! You are in my prayers, hon.
Roseanna Hatke

kired said...

Dear Carolina

Sometimes I ask myself the same question: Those youth dreams are gone forever, but I believe God still tries to steer my life.

You are in my prayers

laurazim said...

I can't believe I haven't posted here yet. I'm just getting caught up on some back-reading, and here I find this gem. I love that you are bat-shit crazy. First of all, it means I'm in good company. Second of all, it means I get to type bat-shit crazy. Twice.

I love that someone named "Dymphna" posted up there. I know that it was really hard for me to eek out the words, "I need help," but when it finally did, there was a whole flock of lovely women from my parish and home school group who swooped in and brought me to our St. Dymphna and Oxytocin League meetings. We're all bat-shit crazy, and most of us come from birth-families who put the "fun" in dysfunctional.

If we were diabetic, we'd take insulin. We're not diabetic. We're bat-shit crazy.

Welcome to the league. (And know of my prayers.)