Tuesday, April 27, 2010

it ebbs and flows...

... that old longing.

Usually when I talk about my nun gazing or admit that secret part of me that longs for religious life to my friends I am met with gales of laughter. No malice is intended; it's just my friends know me. They know my penchant for a practical joke, bawdy humor, "colorful" adjectives and vodka. Nobody thinks; gee that Kat, she sure would make an awesome nun. In fact, I agree with them. I know myself. I know I could never live with a bunch of women. I can count all the women I actually like on one hand... on three fingers. Yet, there it is. An intense desires that sits like a lump of stone in my heart refusing to budge. This damn longing is almost as stubborn as I am. It is a battle of wills and only time will tell who ends up the victor.

My best friend's boyfriend was the first person who didn't laugh at me and was actually encouraging... he doesn't know me though. Anyway, thanks Matt for not laughing.


Joe (Defend Us In Battle) said...

Longings continue to knock... until they get annoying :)

What about meeting in the middle:

Lay Consecration?

Working at/for the religious?

Just trying to think outside the box.

Adrienne said...

Actually - you have the perfect personality and the requisite number of accomplishments (don't knock vodka) to be a perfectly lovely sister.

It would be rather hard to explain to the the boy, though...

saintos said...

When The Boy becomes a priest, go for it.

Just another mad Catholic said...

I won't laugh but instead say that your'e more than welcome to the vocation to the religious life I think I have but don't want, (I'd rather try and negotiate my way out of a Dragon's digestive system)

Speramus (We Hope!) said...

Can't hide behid your Sanguine temperment. Mother Angelica was quite a character and see what the Lord did with her. Longing I was told that the Longing is actually God's call. What to do when you have it for years and lived life unable to fulfill past sins leaving impediments and yet longing remains? It becomes a penance of sorts a resignation to accept my place now and leave it to God to fulfill it if it his will like St Rita. Maybe we will both find ourselves on the inside of the gates because our Angels finally got tired ot it all and kicked us in! Anyways Secular Institutes or third orders are also a means to union with God. Thats the end we all must have to unite with God! : )

Adoro said...

Hey, Cat, I think if we actually met in person we'd get along famously. What you say resonates...I'm quite similar in some ways.

One of my big issues in discerning religious life is, well...I can't be that sweet and nice and demure. I've met Sisters and Nuns of all personalities, and while I like them fine, love them to pieces...I'm NOTHING like them.

So yeah, I feel your pain.

And I'm not at all sure I can handle spending my life cooped up with a bunch of women. I tend to hang out with the guys. Not flirtatiously, but because I enjoy their company, they are fun, and they aren't pretentious.

I won't give you advice. You know how to discern, and you know your son is your priority. So, just look to St. Frances of Rome as your example, and maybe one day, when he's grown, you'll have your chance to fully discern religious life. (Visitation Nuns accept postulants up to age 65).

God calls when He calls. If you have that longing...it means something, and God will tell you when it's time.

I'd be the LAST person to ever laugh at you for what you've expressed here, even not knowing you in person.


Denis said...

Perhaps you could someday express your vocation as a solitary sister - answerable only to your Bishop?
It is something to look into anyway.

I understand your longing. I have had it all my life. At first I was frustrated because I wasn't Catholic, then because I was a wife and mother.
Now I am in my sixties and married to a marvelous husband yet I still long for the religious life. I make do with praying morning and evening prayer, compline, the Rosary, Adoration, Lectio Divina, and keeping to a voluntarily simple lifestyle.

May you find your heart's desire!

Anita Moore said...

On another note...just last night, when I was working on my post about the Dominican nuns of Linden, VA, I was wondering if cloistered nuns still wear the face veil if they have to leave the enclosure.

margaret said...

Other women tend to loathe me. I drink gin. I've had more fiances than lipsticks. Yet a perfectly darling kosher archbishop thinks I am nun material.

Reconsider when The Boy goes to seminary.

Patm said...

You are not alone. I am married thirty years, have two kids, adore my husband, and don't especially like other women all that much. But I have the same longing, and always have.

Perhaps we are meant to be old-lady hermits, someday.

Adoro said...

Denis ~ That's what a Hermit is.

John (Ad Orientem) said...

A very quick observation. The angelic life as we Orthodox refer to the monastic calling, is not for saints. It's for the worst of sinners. If the Church is a spiritual hospital then our monasteries are its intensive care unit. Too many people think that this is where saints go to become more saintly. Not true. Rather it is where great and ordinary sinners alike go to deal with their issues.

For now your calling is The Boy. But when he has grown into honorable manhood you may yet answer your call. A 92 year old woman just became a Greek Orthodox nun. You have time.


Christ is risen!

Fr. Christian Mathis said...

Hmmm....I am ordained and still sometimes wonder how that happened. I don't think we have to play into all the stereotypes. There is of course the romanticized version of religious life that many long for, but doesn't actually exist. And then there is the real life of those in religious orders that is the same struggle to be fully human that every lay person who is striving for holiness experiences too. Keep searching. It is worth the effort.

glennbcnu said...

There is always the Servants of the Sacred Cross. From their website:

"Is God calling you to a life of prayer and service?

SSC is an international, ecumenical religious sisterhood of laywomen, married and single, living and working in their own homes and communities.

Could God be calling you to serve Him within a traditional, conservative, Religious Community, committed to the historic Catholic Faith?
Learn More ! "

Visit: http://www.thesacredcross.org/main.htm

May God guide you on your journey.

Yours In Christ,

Jon said...

Aren't you an Oblate of Belmont Abbey?

I thought that's where the "Crescat" came from.

If so, you have your answer right there...for now.

Alex said...

Saint Rita would be a good patroness to go to with these feelings.


The Crescat said...

Jon, you are correct.

*~JennD.'J.M.J.'~* said...

You post a picture of our late Holy Father making silly faces & then you wonder if someone with a sense of humor can become a nun ~ and do it successfully?
I would advise you to read up on St. Gerard Majella, lol...he even told Our Lord that He was the crazy One...and then he heard Jesus laughing!!
I think you would be a wonderful Sister!! :)*

Diane M. Korzeniewski, OCDS said...

Every convent has at least one sister who knows how to turn the place upside down now and then. Kat - you would fit that role very well.

I discerned in a Franciscan convent in the early 80's overseas, and I was the one turning the place upside down. I even rode the dumb-weighter from the dining room into the kitchen to the chagrin of the head chef. As the other sisters got a real laugh, she was not as amused.

Dexter said...

You mean it never completely goes away? Never? Aw crap.

Dominic Mary said...

Remember that S. Catherine of Siena was a Third Order Dominican; and look what SHE did !

As people have mentioned : Secular Institutes, Third Orders, Canon 603 Hermits . . . there's plenty of choice.

G said...

This post reminded me of what Abigail Adams' grandmother said about her to her concerned parents:
The wildest colt makes the best horse.

MaryAgnesLamb said...

Yah, Crs, I am in the same boat. And I am in my fifties. For a variety of reasons, I can't see that i will be free to ever carry it out, but I remain hopeful that God will perhaps somehow fulfill what He has planted in my heart. I am a Secular Carmleite in temporary promises, so that is how I am carrying this out now--but I still feel called to go deeper. Perhaps someday as a cononical hermit. IDK. Sigh.

TheSeeker said...

I don't laugh at your nun-longings. I have them too, even though I can't be a real Catholic anymore. I miss what I thought the Catholic church was with my very soul...one day I'll blog about why. But just know that another little hell-raising heathen dreams of being a nun too. <3 you HellCat.