Wednesday, August 11, 2010

carpeted kneelers suck...

... because no one will ever believe you got rug burns from praying.


Old Bob said...

Well, if they won't believe you're a Mary, tell them you're a Martha.

Paul Cat said...

You know what else sucks? Turkey Bacon! Catholics should be allowed to eat it on Fridays of Lent as part of their penance.

PaxetBonum said...

Kat- I take it you are referring to the coarsely woven synthetic burlap some modern kneelers are covered with. Or have you encountered some kneelers actually covered with carpeting? Never seen that, but wouldn't be surprised. So, do you prefer the more common dirty, cracked olive green naugahyde kneeler covers?

Covering material is not an issue for me, since I never pray in shorts, but I do have a couple of pet kneeler peeves-

1) Kneelers which are set too far forward under the facing pew, forcing you into a preternaturally upright, or even backward-leaning position. This becomes intolerable after three minutes, and forces even the most pious pray-er repeatedly into the classic Catholic semi-kneeling "butt-slump" for relief.

2) Kneelers too narrow to support actual adult human knees. I've been on a few that seemed to be essentially (thinly) upholstered 2x4s. Even the butt-slump doesn't help much here, you have to hoist yourself back into sitting position to get any relief.

3) Bare wooden kneelers, sometimes found in very old churches or chapels, or no kneelers at all, a modern fad at goofy "Spirit of VII" hippie churches, of which we have more than our fair share out here in LaLa Land. These are especially penitential situations for the poor pious pilgrim.

However, inexpensive relief is available for sufferers of Catholic "knee-burn"-

Available in a wide variety of sizes and styles.

Faithfully, P&B.

Julie said...

Our perpetual adoration chapel is almost too comfortable: regular upholstered chairs, thickly carpeted kneelers. Accompany those with banks of flickering votive lights and the constant hum of the air conditioner and the big fight is not to fall asleep. Once, I watched a heavyset man keel over taking the chair, which was still attached to his rear, right with him. That woke him up.
Yeah, it's probably too comfortable in there.

Julie said...

To carry this Three Bears theme a bit further, the other local parish, a monument to modernism, is so spartan even a desert father would've found it too ascetic. It features shaker chairs on a brick floor and kneelers with all the attributes Pax described above. On top of this, the parish administrator there, who rules with an iron fist, refuses to let anyone monkey with the thermostat, so you either freeze in the winter or suffocate in the summer.

Therese Z said...

The "butt slump?" We call it the "three-point kneel" in my neck of the woods.

My growing-up church had no padding on the kneelers, but they were shaped properly and set the right distance from the back of the next seat, so the seats and the kneelers were comfortable without being luxurious. My current parish has the kneeler set so close to the back of the seat that you have to park your behind if you have even the slightest tummy. They actually moved them closer together in the 50's to ram more rows in.

I haven't kneeled upright in so long I don't think I remember how. It's like receiving communion on the tongue, a knack you can lose.

Terry Nelson said...

You kill me! LOL!

Minkykat said...

I'm also in La-la land.
Was over to St. Peter/Paul in Wilmington today to see Our Lady of Fatima Pilgrim Statue. While I love that church with all my being, the narrow, plastic covered kneelers there offer no end of "offer ups" for sinners everywhere.
I was pulling some major "butt slump" by the end of communion.
(nice to note tho' that communion lasted that long due to the place being packed!)