Monday, September 13, 2010

ladies, learn from me...

... I have the strangest impulses when I get bored. I do things to my hair. It's a neurotic compulsion I am weak to resist.

So naturally when I found myself with some free moments over the weekend I decided to try an at home recipe for shiny and smooth hair. Mayonnaise. Yes, you read that right. I put mayonnaise in my hair. Lots of it.

It took 9 washes to get it out and even then it left a terrible residue. So much so, that at a birthday party picnic the next day the flies wouldn't leave me alone. I looked like Pig Pen with a swarm of gnats and flies following me every where. I think I heard my son tell some one he was an orphan.

Today I had to go to the DMV ... and naturally my hair is still a slimy mess and this image is preserved, for the next eight years, on my driver's license.

I still haven't recovered from the time I went to get my passport ... on Ash Wednesday. Use your imagination.

21 comments:

Christine said...

post a picture! It's not everyday we get to see mayo hair :)

Badger Catholic said...

According to your source, what is mayo supposed to do to hair?

Kike said...

Pictures, Kat, pictures.

By the way, what is "DMV"? Remember I am foreigner.

And, please, try chess or doing some manual stuff, or origami.

PaxetBonum said...

Master Yoda sez-

"Hrrmm, a great tremor in The Force feel I ... concerns the raven-haired Princess Crescat of Charlotte on Sol III, it does... an alabaster, calorie-laden, oily condiment to her silky, midnight-dark tresses applied, has she, hhhmm? High definition holographic proof of this bold but ill-conceived cosmetic maneuver must have we, and subito, SUBITO, errmm, sorry, another ancient language, quickly, QUICKLY, mean I do."

Inquiring minds see this want to.

P&B.

Terry Nelson said...

Your life is a sitcom.

Adoro said...

Badger Catholic ~ I'm not the source, but I remember hearing the same thing. I lived in Mexico for a semester, and they have so many chemicals (such as chlorine) in their water to kill things like amoebas that by the time I got back to the US my hair was quite literally as dry as a summer haystack.

I used mayo overnight (not globs, but a nice coating), wrapped it in plastic and then a towel to protect my sheets/pillow, and immediately washed it out next day. Took 2-3 washings, I smelled it until the next day when I washed it again, but it seriously worked wonders, and I did not turn into a rancid salad.

Methinks either our dear friend used WAY too much or actually didn't need it at all.

I've never used it on "healthy hair", only in such an extreme circumstance.

Elise said...

My daughter has the same compulsion, for which there is no cure, I'm told. I recently came home to her slathering wet cat litter (yep, cat litter) on her face because she had read that clay will pull the oil from one's skin.

I do not recommend it.

BAMAtarheel said...

Oh, dearie me...We share, at least, this compulsion. Did the same thing, for the same reason, only it was petroleum jelly. That's right - VAS O LINE. Not a "nice coating" either-GLOBS! Washed the hair with everything I could find w/no help. Next day tho, found something at the pharmacy that totally took it out in a heartbeat, but my hair was a little dry for a while: Tincture of Green Soap. Note this for further reference - you'll do it again....mayo was later. Must b somethin about NC girls.

The Crescat said...

Terry, more like a tragedy.

Glad to know I'm not the only one suffering from this perverse compulsion.

Adoro, I probably didn't it but I figured you can never too soft and too shiny hair. Only to find out you can. Plus I didn't consider my hair type, thick & coarse.

Dymphna said...

You're supposed to use a heat cap when you do the mayo trick.

Linda said...

Kike: "DMV" is Division of Motor Vehicles. One goes there to get one's driver's license, which, of course, has one's picture on it. So Kat will have her "mayo hair" picture in her wallet for eight years. Bummer.

nazareth priest said...

I don't want to sound like a total "sexist pig", here...but from female intelligence resources, I'm told, that futzing with your hair is a normal part of "whatever"...a change; frustration; a new life, etc. etc.
It's okay.
It just means you are "normal"...he, he, he...just what you wanted to hear, no??

Adoro said...

Dymphna ~ That's probably what the sheet of plastic wrap I used was. I was told it was to keep things from being soiled, and the towel as further protection, but of course, together they would be a "heat cap".

Crescat ~ Yeah...well, dunno. I've only done it once since then, and it was after I colored my hair and had left the chemicals on too long so it was really dry and damaged.

Given your experience, perhaps if your hair was not "dry and damaged" then maybe there was just nowhere for the oil to go?

Um...I am NOT calling you 'greasy"! Rather, I suspect your hair was already very healthy! Or you used too much stuff (and, as my grandma used to say, "GADS!" Wasn't the smell of it just AWFUL?????????

Ugh. Has deterred me ever since that first (necessary) use!

Oh, and if you ever find yourself in that position again: lemon juice. Lime Juice. The acid will cut the oil. Vinegar also works.

shadowlands said...

Having had decades of experience in hair raising/colouring/cutting experiments, I would offer one piece of advice. Only apply to the ends of the hair. There's also a spray thingy that makes hair shine, but I'm blowed if I can remember the name. Gloss by schwarkopf(spelling?) or something.

How about rubbing some mashed bananas into the ends of your hair? I haven't heard it works by the way, I just thought it would be funny to hear what happens if you do, in another post of-course....

Coconuts!!! That's what I heard was good, the oil that is.

Katie said...

My daughter had chlorine damaged hair at one point and we tried this out. It was so awful that now she can't even stand the smell of Mayo. FAIL

Dymphna said...

Here's what you do: Buy the commercial descented Hair Mayonaise from the beauty supply sotre. Put on a shower cap and then a heat cap and then spend 20 minutes washing it all out. You'll have shiny, bouncy young Julia Roberts hair. Or you can go to the beauty parlor. My hair is one of my hobbies but even I don't dare do the mayo at home.

Kike said...

@Linda: Thank you!!

Badger Catholic said...

Thanks Adoro, I learn something new every day!

Faith said...

Whatever happened to washing your hair with beer?

laurazim said...

I've always been curious about this particular remedy, having a nest of large rat proportion posing as hair on my noggin......but I shall forever remember: "Curiosity killed Kat's hair......."

TerentiaJ said...

Mayo is actually a very good treatment for lice. Far better than slathering your kid's hair with poison chemicals every time you get that horrible note from the teacher informing you that some kid is class is infested. Comb the mayo thru, cover with plastic over night and wash in the morning. Repeat if necessary. Problem solved