... for the most part I am happily single. I enjoy time with my family and friends and not dating keeps things remarkably uncomplicated and free of the dramatic histrionics typically associated with dating.
When I really put my mind to it I can convince myself that introducing a male love interest into my social circle would upset the delicate balance of my universe. Bluntly, I am set in my ways. Damn, I sound old.
Naturally, my main focus has always been my son. I have to think of both our physically and emotionally safety when dating. You can clearly see it's rarely worth the effort. I know that sounds terrible. I just want to illustrate how easy it is to get quite comfort, and yes. content, with being single.
Then there are days when I have my moments of weakness. I'm only human, and in my human weakness I desire a deeper companionship than friends and family can't provide. Usually these moments of weakness are precluded by bad days and lots of stress. You know, those days where you just want another human being there to help you shoulder the burden. Simon. Like today...
Today I asked for a raise. I didn't get it. Then I went back to my desk to sulk and think bitterly about the child support I am not receiving and the bills I can't pay. I wished I had a partner to help me financially. Which led to me to consider re-activating my Catholic Match account.
Are you horrified by that logic? You should be. How dreadfully superficial. And to all my male readers, I sincerely apologize. It is a shamefully shallow and opportunistic logic. Men as paychecks. It's hard to even type it and make the admission. Embarrassed, I even started to rationalize it... men are supposed to be providers right?
On my way from work I stopped in and paid a visit to Our Lord; adoration. I needed some Fatherly advice. He reminded me why I Nun Gaze. I start nun gazing and get all sorts of fanciful over romanticized notions of religious life when I feel the farthest from God. If it's been ages since I prayed that sudden over whelming urge to get thee to a nunnery grabs hold.
He also reminded me that I've said many many many times, if I don't remarry I am joining a convent when my son is grown. Vocation by default? Is that a legitimate calling... I'll answer for you. No.
No apply this realization to my current mood today. Dating by default. Um. No. To reaffirm I am making the right decision I read over my previous "research" on the subject of Catholic Courting.
Need I say more?