Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Carolina cooking ...

... Look, every one knows I'm no kitchen connoisseur, but at least I try from time to time. It's not every night I have cereal and a vodka tonic for dinner.

I also know there's no shortage in the niche of Catholic Cooking on the interwebs; Father Z has dibs on the fancified food fair and Jimmy Akin has dibs on the low carb healthy stuff. My favorite, The Catholic Foodie, is the more realistic of the two... in that it's stuff I can actually make and it's stuff I'd actually eat. And for those who prefer a liquid diet, after my own heart, is Catholic Drinkie. God love her!

But there seems to be an untapped market on my favorite kind of food... Food That Will Kill You. I'm an expert on that. I've got tons of recipes I've concocted and altered into unholy alliances of gravy and butter. Your arteries have been warned.

One of my favorite chicken dishes, and Southern staple worthy of it's own food group, is Fried Chicken. I use a whole chicken because it's cheaper than paying the butcher to de-bone the meat. And really, why should the butcher have all the fun? So break out your sharpest butcher knife and start whacking into that succulent carcass.

Whole chicken
Corn Oil
A Couple Sticks of Butter
Black Pepper
Chili Powder
Cayenne Powder
Tabasco Sauce

It's good to prepare your side dishes before you start dressing your kill. The process is messy, or maybe that's just me, and it helps to get the smaller stuff out the way. Put on a pot of green beans to simmer; don't forget the bacon. Lots of bacon. And butter. And salt. Remember, I'm trying to kill you.

Go ahead and place your pan of corn oil on the burner to start heating up too. It's ready when you flick a bit of water on it and the oil sizzles like a sinner in Hell.

In a large mixing bowl combine 2 eggs, some buttermilk, and Texas Pete Tabasco sauce. Now take your dismembered meat parts and soak it in the mixture.

In another larger mixing boil dump in some baking flour. Add black pepper, chili powder, cayenne pepper. Next, bread your chicken in the flour mixture and get them nice and coated.

How's the oil coming? Is it frying like unrepentant souls?

You are now ready. Gently lower your chicken into the searing hot oil. Gently! Or not; go ahead and chuck it in there. You'll learn quick enough. Don't mess with the meat too much while it's frying or risk losing some of the crispy breading. It's ready when it's golden brown.

While the chicken is frying, I like to make a corn bread loaf using a box of Jiffy because it easy, and a stick of butter because it's good. Follow the instructions on the box. Don't forget to grease the pan... with butter. Check the corn bread after a few minutes and when the top starts to get a bit firm, brush melted butter on the bread with a sauce brush.

Now your chicken is done. Drain the chicken and serve on a couple of Dixie paper plates. Don't forget the ice tea, y'all.


ThereseRita said...

I married a southern boy (40 yrs ago this week!) &, you're right, quickly found out that fried chicken & iced tea are year-round staples. So I told him he'd have to make his own because I had no idea how to do either.
Since he's become very good in the kitchen over the years, let me you what he does while he's getting the fried chicken together. He just goes ahead & uses some of the breading etc to fry hushpuppies before he drops the chicken. IMO, with greens & corn, that is a super southern supper in itself. Yum!

Anonymous said...

Ice tea or sweet tea? I would assume that a Southern girl would serve sweet tea.

Dr. Eric

The Crescat said...

long island. sweet. whatever.

NBW said...

My arteries are clogging just looking at that delicious fried chicken!!

Anonymous said...

Paula Deen might already have a corner on that market, but you're right up there! You had me at "a couple sticks of butter" in the ingredients list.

BurgoFitzgerald said...

That was the best recipe I ever read. You sounded like Ted Nugent in some places!

Jana said...

Try putting your fried chicken on a cooling rack over a cookie sheet and put it in the oven for 20 min at 325. It will get rid of a lot of the excess grease and finish cooling the interior of the chicken. It makes your chicken crispy. Yum. You should also try cooking in Lard (if you want old school) or Crisco.

Anonymous said...

It's not the bacon, butter or salt that will kill you.

It's the carbs, the bread, the sugar and the processed food.

See the Paleo/Primal Diet for details.

jimf said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jimf said...

Do you mean to say that making corn bread without a box of Jiffy is actually possible?

The Crescat said...

Anon... Paula Dean is not Catholic. I win.

Jana... great idea!

Burgo... I would draw a Ted Nugent holy card, but he's not dead yet.

jimf... God invented microwaves and food preservatives so no one has to bake from scratch every again.

Cruise the Groove. said...

My wife likes the look of that food and she wants to know the calorie amount.
She is not going above 1000 calories per day for the past six months and has gone from 158, then to 134lbs at present.
Is this food calorie safe, in small portions?

Jane said...

Cruise the Groove--your wife could probably eat that...if she then did not eat for the next two days. Anything breaded and fried is seriously not for a low-calorie diet!

I was just sent a book called "Treasured Southern Family Recipes" from 1966. Bacon grease, mayonnaise and (weirdly) canned tomato soup are prominently featured ingredients. There are also a lot of recipes for things imprisoned in gelatin, but I think that's out of fashion now.

Thomas said...

I don't think there's a single thing mentioned in this post (Or even the ideas in other comments) that I wouldn't die for to have a plate of any day!

BurgoFitzgerald said...

Kat, maybe you can make some "Catfish Scratch Fever" to commemorate The Feast of The Nuge!

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes! You can use some of the leftover breading flour to make gravy in the pan after you take the chicken out, to pour over your mashed potatoes. Be sure to add a lot of salt to the gravy. Or save it to make gravy to put over biscuits.

And yes, darlin', I am from Texas.

The Crescat said...

Anonymous from Texas... I think you might be brilliant!

Jeff Young said...

Crescat, I love you!

Bon appetit!

Hilary Jane Margaret White said...

Slaw. Fried chicken got to have 'slaw. Got a recipe for 'slaw?